Quotes

Someone e-mailed me some funny quotes. I just had to laugh.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you> get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. > - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.> - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops> to breathe. > - Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness,> can be trained to do most things.> - Jilly Cooper

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you > nothing. It was here first.> - Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.> - Ed Furgol>> Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form > of misery.> - Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.> - Joe Namath>> Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.> - Herbert Henry Asquith

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid> you.> - Winston Churchill>>

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to > wear out, fall out, or spread out.> - Phyllis Diller>>

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.> - Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go > anywhere.>> - Unknown>>

Be careful of your tongue: It's kept in a wet place and could easily slip.> - Unknown